Why not? One day, sitting at work (customer services/call centre) with my telephone headpiece on, with an abusive customer giving it the usual. You get to thinking to yourself, no more my friend. No more. It really was as simple as that. I handed my notice in at my current job and thought, why not beat people up? be a doorman. Of course the whole process would take longer than i was expecting but that's why I'm here, thats why I'm sitting at my PC with my specs on, thinking...i should document this whole shit...I'm going to have some stories to tell in the future. I don't really to be honest want to 'beat people up' HOWEVER i would like to possibly throw a person, if the situation called for that said action.
Ok so I've done the exam, and passed, to be fair it wasn't challenging but you do have to pay attention. The stories of falling asleep in there? Hmmm, i don't know about that. I haven't been in a situation like that...as in, sitting up, paying attention to stuff...for a long time. If you want to pass it you will, simple as. But theres about 11 sections to plough through, and a lot of paper work to read through. It's multiple choice though, so I'm sure some bluff there way through. Me? i was class swot, sorry but i was passin' that bitch if it killed me.
Our trainer was great, a big jolly Welshman and he made the whole time we were there as entertaining as he could. It was only three of us. Myself, a stocky little Asian dude, and a slim smart looking Arab guy. We were all there to pass, sweet. I can imagine being in a class packed with apes and brain deads though, throwing pens, laughing loudly, enjoying themselves and the like. It's for this reason i thank he/she/it who created life, that i took the exam with a group of people i would commonly class as..."safe" It was good. We had a few laughs but got down to it and done the biz.
When i got my exam sheet through the door....sweet mother of Jesus Mary above in a stable with hay. Was a good feeling. Somewhere close to the Euphoria I'm expecting to feel when i finally get that SIA card through the post....which is where I'm at now. Ok, so I've heard the rumors, it takes 80 years to receive the license "Ooooh SIA License?? you might as well be DEAD mate...you got no hope" etc. When the big jolly Welshman dropped that bomb on us, it was going to take about three months, i felt my heart drop into my stomach, and the acids waiting patiently went right to work on it. I'd just quit my job, expected to sign on for what, a month tops, wait a few weeks in the post, get me license and literally bounce my way to town, land in front of a club and get to work... Ok i know now. Which is why in the meantime i have the most soul destroying job you can imagine, I'm not even going to say what it is but....its the most SOUL DESTROYING JOB YOU COULD IMAGINE...this is to pay the bills and my application.
So if anything you will get to chart how long this is going to take if you reading this now are going for your SIA Doorman license. I'm filling it in today and will have it posted on monday at the latest. Officially its six weeks, I'm hoping i get mine before xmas because quite honestly i want that CHRIMBO GREEN..THE CHRIMBO MONEY...belive it or not, i actually want money. I don't enjoy the idea of getting in between two drunk sweaty men and heaving them out of a club, but i do if it means I'm going to get payed good money for it (please picture me right now giving the double thumbs up) moneeey...
I've done just about all i can do to get myself ready for this, I've been doing a martial art for a year and a half. Also the bar i go to three nights a week has a healthy amount of scraps and thrown bottles and people. I've had a few scuffles in my younger days....ok about ten years ago. But, I'm bloody big, and i can grab a bastard and throw him out if i need to. All the learning how to speak to people and all that will come. It was covered in the exam, but it's one of those things where I'm gonna have to learn as i go along. I know this.
I know how to speak to people, I'm a pro at it, not blowing my own clarinet but i am THE BEST AT IT. But, mix that in with alcohol, abuse, the physical aspect etc, well, fuck it, I'm just going to have to learn. I hate being a newbie at anything, the new boy...but so be it.
So right now, I'm reading an interesting book for Bouncers by Jamie O'Keefe which I'm trying to absorb as much of as i can, but sometimes i wanna just throw the book aside and get in there. I love the idea of getting in the thick of it, I'm not a thug but after doing the same type of work for almost ten...FUCKING...years...no sir. I wanna get hands on. Gripping and stuff...
So there it is....as from monday i will send off the form and we shall see how long it all takes...not much i will be able to update now until it all begins i guess. However any former/current bouncers, thugs, criminals, mad suicide bombers and killer robots who want to give me advice, suggestions etc...please do. Until then...I'll be back when i get my card!
(Looks over at as yet unfilled sheet) Time for a sigh i think...
*sigh*
I need to look at some boobies i think.
