Entry Number Eighteen: "I'm The Number One P*ki !!!!"

...those were his words not mine. And oh how messy those words were. Long shift at my regular, football was on, and no away supporters were allowed in. This to me, was a magnet for trouble, there were three of us tonight, normally it's me and Yenno. I was with two other guys I'd seen about but don't know as such, they were cool. It was busy inside but a good atmosphere, all fine until a tall asian boy bumped the manager, they exchanged glances and off we go...

"He askin me if i got a problem and I'm tryna fuckin drink mate" he says, voice raised. He looked upset but I'm finding people have hot bursts of anger and normally cool off. But this guys rage just grew and grew until it eventually boiled over. No reasoning, someone flipped the switch and he was gone. Words were exchanged between him and the manager until the manager had enough..."take him out lads" Big fella i was working with took lead and motioned for the Asian lad to walk out. The in turn knocked his volume switch up a few notches...

"Tell that fat fuck I'm gonna fuckin have him, fat fucker, I'm just tryna drink tell him" He screamed, anger burning his skinny golden face. As my collegue put a hand on his arm to keep him moving, he snapped it away with a flinch and walked out. By now doorman number 3 joined us. Friendly guy and outside he tryed to talk the boy down, pour some icy water on the situation, the boy wasn't having it.

Outside we stood at the entrance a three man barrier as the boy continued with the insults. They ranged from racism, to the managers weight. At one point the boy and a colleague were head to head, manning up. The two of them reminded me of a big boxing match poster? you know how the boxers are side on head to head? It was exactly like that, and any second, someone was going to make the first move. Now, i never let anyone get that close to me, and this boy was ready to pop off, he was going to throw something, be it a fist, a headbutt...no, an ashtray.

He backed down from the doorman and reached over the plastic fence that cordens off the smoking area and tried to clamber it like a grasy cat to grab an ashtray and hurl it. I pushed him away and he snapped his arm away from me "don't fuckin touch me" he blurted. "well don't climb the fence then" i said. Jesus Christ. He walked off cursing and screwing. That was it, over done...

He came back.

I forgot to mention he was with three short Asian boys too but he was obviously the ring leader, they kind of scuttled around his feet like puppies. Barking off a few weak insults toward us here and there but clearly not out for trouble, "This is my beef" he screamed. He stood near the entrance again, calling out the manager. Onlookers nervously smoked their sticks. As advised by the head doorman, i asked them to step inside, but people want to see, want to look. I was convinced a scrap was on the cards tonight, this guy wanted it so badly. Everyone in the smokers section was convinced too. They wanted ringside seats.

"I'm the towns number one p*ki, I'm a 10 stone p*ki i will fuck all you up i don't care, i will fuck all you up, you white bastards, and you black man, you blacks were slaves for years, your a sell out" now when i was speaking to the guy previously trying to calm him down, i was trying to reason with the dude, this is my way. I'm trying to avoid a scrap, i was proper trying to reason, even when he was throwing the racism about to my white colleagues, but then he turns it on me! Five years ago, comments like that would have sparked me, but i laughed it off. I felt nothing.

Of course throughout the whole exchange my adrenalin is pounding through my body, i was so close to all kicking off i was ready. The guy walked off screaming, but not before the sweet promise of him coming back hooded up and bottling us at a later date. Charming...

Tonight i'm at an all black club, special event...sigh...

Entry Number Seventeen: Chunky

Good one tonight mate, good one. Most exciting event of note was a group of lads who were blatantly underage but all seemed to have valid ID's One young fella looked about 12.

One of the bunch threw up a oaty treat everywhere, luckily outside, and he sat there head down, slumped forward in the chair like he'd just been picked off by a pro sniper. Poor boy, poor boy. His 12 year old looking mate was worse for wear too, we decided enough was enough and he wasn't let back in.

They played the Khan fight in the large sized pub, so that was a bonus too. But tonight was a quiet one. And the start of me permanently being on the doors and inside clubs and pubs. No more Fucking Taxi rank. The highlight of the night was me upping my flirt game with the bar staff i think...i love this job :-D

Entry Number Sixteen: Sandwich Guard

Hey ho! as we wave goodbye gracefully to my career as a fkin taxi marshall...later, adios. Told my boss i'm done with it. Working with him is actually a laugh, he's as immature as me and as much of an actual clown. But after bumping into an old friend i knew while working, and somehow explaining to him my fall from grace from call centre manager to...opening doors for people, and then proceeding to actually opening his door...i don't know i cant do it. So i had a nice chat with the boss earlier and yep, goodbye taxi rank shit...good...this is good.

Loads of pretty girls were out in force, and the night was freezing, we were positioned right outside a busy club, and between a KFC, and Subway, so to be fair, we were needed and we were a deterrent, well for the most part. Loads of lovely things strutting down the street like the catwalks of Milan. Thursday night is the new friday as the kids would say and it certainly looked that way, jesus was it cold though, and i was wrapped up like a freak too!

My boss loves sending people who ask for the toilet toward the direction of the shopping malls fire exit, they are drunk and vulenrable. It eats away at my heart a little, as they stand confused knocking on the fire exit door trying to go in for a whazzle, when a confused memeber of the "mall security" opens up, but it's all fun, and made the night go quicker.

A short fat man in his late forties barely able to keep his balance was speaking to two student types. One with long shaggy hair, the other with enough spots for britain. They both clutched an open subway sandwich like a loaded pistol while mocking the old man. The old dude seemed cool, he came to me earlier in the night and shook my hand but well you never know people.

One of the students said something in an admiteddely condesending manner...whack. A quick snappy jab to the students face backed him off, it was a clean hit but the nerd took the punch well, didn't even cut his lip. He jus backed off, looked a bit shaken and continued to tell me "i was just asking him if he was going the same way as us man, shit"

I didn't see it coming but zipped right in there to stop any more stupidness happening. Too much drink, to much brovado. Like the old black guy earlier on in the night who threatened to bring a gun back and shoot a taxi driver because they refused him a drive because he never coughs up the dough. Broke bastard. Work.

Besides a motuhy ex doorman who had a problem with being refused a taxi by the taxi rank over the road, and rightly so, he was aggressive and racist, but they caved in and let him. I was inbetween the two of them (again) just in case. Now as Taxi marshall none of this we're supposed to do, we're supposed to just leave it, not get involved as we have no powers. Sorry fuck that, i didn't pay all this cash for the badge to stand there having a wank. Nope, i want to get in there, and do my job...and i did.

Near the end of the night a crowd gathered under the lights of the big bright subway and KFC logo's. Hungry clubbers wanting quick food. It had to happen. Me and my boss noticed a big gathering, then heard raised voices...yeh, it had to happen. But, we didn't expect it to happen like this. Some guy took a sweet hook to the head and went down, courtest of a tall lanky mixed race dude. I ran over through the frightened crowd and then saw the guy still landing boots on the fallen vitcims head like a free for all. I pulled him off, expecting that wack to come it didn't. Im 5'11 about 17 stone if i pull you off, i pull you off homey, .He left it shouted some words to the guy on the floor and ran off.

Me and my boss moved the crowd away and called on the CCTV radios the police, who got here fairly quickly, but not before another fella did EXACTLY the same thing further up the queue of people. And so off we were again, same thing, pushed the guy off before he landed more kicks to the tall lanky guys head who was on the floor in a bad state, he looked like he was swimming in and out of conciousness before we got there, not really reacting to the boots...i pushed the guy off and he shouted about a shirt being ripped or his shirt was ripped.

My memory tells me that i actually remember this guy arguing earlier with someone about his or someones girlfriend, but of course i couldn't predict him doing this. The guy went back in to land more boots, no way. I pushed him away again. "fuck this pussy boy, im back for all of you" him and his mate ran for the car and sped off...the police arrived done what looked like their default questioning then went off for doughnuts.

Near the end of the night a nervous secuirty guard for the town centre emerged from a door, and poked his head out "wow looks like it kicked off here earlier heh heh heh" me and my boss just looked at him. Amusingly my boss played the A-Team theme tune on his phone as the david brent like security guard emerged to check "all was well" yeh, thanks for getting involved mate. Pathetic.

Some very very attractive ninteen year old girls stood and spoke to us as the night ended, rain hammering down good and proper like it had been all night, and gave us some flyers about some rave or something. I asked if they needed doorstaff...why not. One was exremely pretty, short long black hair, nice figure...i did nothing i tell you.

So that was it...technically speaking i have one more night of taxi marshall to do, and thats friday night, tonight. Once that's done that...and i just got a call that im supposed to be at the rank at 9....and i thought it was 11:00 FUCK....bye

Entry Number Fifteen: No Entry

The nights before at this venue, which has now become my most regular, have been silent, nothing to report. The usual. Tonight though was a little bit more hairy, read on...

Night started off as normal, signing in, handing out the radio's to the bar staff. Near the end of the night a girl with a thick scouse accent gripped hold of my hand as i was walking past. She sat with a table of three people. The merriment of drink was in full swing. She was already nearly mentally gone. "WhAT's thE TimE??" i told her the time, then she stood up and hugged me. She was very drunk, very pretty. Long dark red hair, cute face. Fairly tall. Slim. I sat her back down with her family after unlocking her arms around my neck from an embrace, she smelt sweet. Fine i walk on...

Later on me and Yenno are standing, of course, ever alert, while watching floyd mayweather prepare to beat the stuffing out of hatton in a gym on the big screen, when the same girl wanders over. She is clearly drunk, but also it seems a little high as well. Floaty. She can barely form a sentence her words fall out of her mouth in an awkward backward symphony each sentence more bizzare than the last. I couldn't hold it in. I let loose a little giggle. This was like a red rag to a bull.

"Are you patronisin me??" she says, scouse accent so thick you couldn't cut through it. "No not at all, just something funny my colleague done earlier" then the rage in her face sparks off, and she turns a beet root red. "you don't fucking know me, patronising me, you two blacks, think your gangsters" or words to that effect. I calmed her down, and she went to sit back with her family, she burst into tears onto the shoulder of a large man she was sitting next to.

Everything is nice and easy, it's a Tuesday night, nothing is open in town. Couldn't ask for a more quiet night. But as usual near the end of the night is where the stupidities come into play. A group of men in their early forties decided it would be a laugh to climb into the DJ Booth. One of the senior bar staff called me over and told me to remove them from the premises. I walked up to them, through the beer cloud they emitted, and closed the booth. I then stood in the centre of the pack like a solid lump, and asked them to leave.

"Bit stupid innit mate? all over nothing???" Said a porky member of the crew "well rules is rules so you'll have to leave sorry fellas" i replied politely. Gobby in his early forties, spiky hair, quite stocky decided to give it. "Make me" he said. He was drunk, but not completely off his head. But he was drunk. This got my back up, as from here on in, it's now confrontational, i am the most polite doorman, security member you will meet, probably to my disadvantage, but this guy wanted trouble. I looked over at Yenno who was engaged with conversation with a bar staff member, i didn't radio him over, i can handle these guys, if it all kicked off Yenno would have heard, i wanted to see what i could do here.

I moved closer to the guy, but out of headbutts distance, and placed a hand on his elbow to indicate movement. The mob started to get a bit excited. "Oi Oi fe lla, we're leaving" said one of the goons. Spiky haired gobby continued however "I'm drinking this first then i leave" i wasn't having it. I positioned myself to the side, out of striking distance, and decided i was going to lead the guy out. Yenno stepped over and spiky threw a dart he shouldn't have at Yenno "fuck off you" to his credit, Yenno did reason with the guy, but the drunkard clearly wanted to prove something, not sure what.

He got more aggressive and insisted he wasn't moving, his pint was still full, he picked it up and went to drink it. Yenno removed the glass from his hand with a snap, beer spilled to the floor, the fun had started. I placed a hand on the centre of the guys back and moved him toward the door, he went, but not without a threat of me being sued and this and that.

Then when outside a few racial slurs came, the usual. Me, it didn't faze me in the slightest. Even the taunts of, "theres six of us, you try something etc etc ." I ain't stupid brother...I'm not going to prison for no one, i wasn't even angry, I'm not gonna fight.

Yenno however walked right up to mouthy through the six of them, and headed him face up. "Why don't you say it now I'm in front of you" spiky mumbled some stuff clearly bricking it.
Outside the front of the bar, me and Yenno, and six big dudes in their forties, it could have kicked off there and then, but i think they knew they would have had a scuff on their hands. I'm about as wide as Yenno is tall, and we make a combined sight.

I wouldn't want to take us on personally...they walked off cursing and shouting, we entered the club to a suprise chorus of thank you's from the bar staff...we were just doing our job.

Reflecting back one thing i remember earlier on, is when spiky was giving it large i noted him roll up his jumper sleeves, as if preparing himself for some fisticuffs, this is why i thought tonight was kick off night...but drink, makes you brave, makes you stupid.

All of this has prompted me to review exactly how much force i have and what powers i have when it comes to removing someone, i will look into this again, all i do at the moment is guide people with a hand and for the most part eventually, they start moving, but the time will come when someone won't budge, I've always wondered about this...

The girl returned, the one from earlier, her family had deserted her and she was in tears, really upset, heavily drunk. Swaying form left to right like an old boat. She gripped onto my hand for dear life, constantly apoligising. I took her outside and sat her down. Hoping the cool fresh air would blow some sence into her.

We sat on the steps outside the bar, under the bright blue neon light logo. The streetlights made everything orange, taxi drivers parked outside looked on curious as she sobbed.

I stood beside her. She started crying more. She actually asked me to walk her home but no way, not while she was in this state. This day and age you be a good citizen and you're up in the docks for something or other. Sorry, but fuck that. I guided her to a taxi and she wobbled her way toward it, slamming her hand on its roof for support. She fell in, and It drove off home. Not sure what her story was but i did feel sorry for her in the end...

So that was it, right now I'm trying to rack up enough door hours to seriously live off this as a full time occupation. The pay isn't as good as i was expecting it to be, all these stories of 16 pound and 18pd an hour ain't true. It's good pay, but not quite that much, i think that money is the exceptional clubs or the actual danger zones. But I'm not seeing that kind of dough. Also i need to politely get myself out of this taxi rank marshall shit, because it's not what i want, i will do one more out of politeness and because it's short notice to refuse now for the company i work for but that's it...that's it...

I was thinking of looking into Cash in transit in the daytime until i saw that it's going to be another 245 pound to get the license and then more for the exam. So yeah once again, politely, fuck actual that.

Lets try and get some regular work set. The good thing is, that i do enjoy my job, if it's the right venue, i actually look forward to going to work, so it's not all bad...but is it enough to live off? I'm questioning that.

Entry Number Fourteen: No Flirting

Football game was on, so we were needed to keep the peace at a bar out of town. I escaped the Taxi shit, and thank god. Police on their horses were strutting through the town centre, from first sights, it would have looked like something was going to happen. But from my first time at this town i can already feel things were more relaxed generally than my home town. Lot of excitement over nothing, these little towns love it i think.

No incidents at all, one woman complained up close about two of the other door staff i was with intimidating her husband or some bollox. I apologised sincerly then proceeded to not give a fuck. Give me some action to break up.

AHA ACTION...well...As i stood on the main door a girl started flirting heavy. She was wearing long black socks short schoolgirl style skirt and a tight tight top. I suggested to her that her company should give her some work in my town so she can come down and see me....that's the closest I'll risk to flirting at the moment...cos I'm a new boy I'm still ultra paranoid about someone complaining about me perving off. It's happened to a doorman at the company i work for, a few of them. But my flirt confidence is building. The lines are increasing...you will be updated on this.

Near the end of the night there was a lock out, basically as the fans were leaving the stadium all the bars and pubs along the town centre were closed by the police. Obviously to stop the rowdy lot piling in and pushing over the odd chair or two, and shouting one or two naughty words, such as "bottom" and "willie" the usual.

Anyway, this naturally kept the beer hungry wolves agitated, as a big crowd built in front of me and my colleague...same words, over and over, upset faces, shaking heads and miserable old men looked back at us..the words were "sorry, shut till 8:00 cos of the football people, thanks" one brainiac came up with the suggestion that i "jus open up mate, go oooon" ... "um, no" i threw him through the window......i did not do this..

Drove back to my local town afterwards and did inside at a very popular club in my town, the head doorman wasn't messing about early on but he opened up near the end of the night, guess i was just another newboy doorman to him, fair enough. I literally got told the drill "you fuck up, i will bollock you" fair enough, the club was heaving and there was only four of us inside.

We were positioned at points in the club and rotated, eyes open look for incidents. It was packed but everyone was in very good spirits. The music was old eighties and old no1's so the crowd was a peaceful one even though it was ram jammed. No matter what people say, most of the people in there do respect you, you're there to protect them, and they were all well behaved tonight.
Lots of smiling faces, girls pinching my rear, hugging me sloshed out of their brains.

No incidents the whole night. I initially felt very uncomfortable, all of a sudden the pressure of responsibility hit me, as in, this is what I'm here for, I'm protecting these people. It's no longer a "cool job" it's serious shit sherlock. I loved it. So many times I'd been in the club, looking a the door staff wishing, well, here it was. No indenents, two guys who got a bit loud and had a tiny little push and shove were separated, the banging music blocked out any communication but the dispute ended, and me an my colleague decided to leave them be but keep an eye on them.

I was like a spring near the beginning of the night, ready, by the end my feet were killing me and my thirst was peeling my lips. I was bringing forth saliva in my mouth, and trying to wet the inside of my lips...that didn't work. In all fairness i should have asked the bar staff for a water or something. But as i said, old head boy was a bit of a hawk, i need to make good impressions where ever i work....i could wait.

Despite uncomfortably getting used to the crackling radios, trying to understand what was being said, and not look like a plank squeezing this black walkie talkie to my head with a screwed up face expression plastered over my mug that was it for the night. This is what i wanted, this is the job, and to be honest i love it.

I'm now aiming for a regular spot, my own regular perch, as I'm all over the place at the moment. More soonie.