Entry Number Twenty Five: The Beautiful Game

Due to politics, er or whatever, i was taken out of my usual spot, and thrown 50 minutes away to a club elsewhere. Real handy that. The politics is from within. A dispute with one of my superiors, not anyone or staff from where i regularly worked. In short, i wanted the new venue to be my spot, to be my turf. It's just down the road not even ten minutes, i know the people the staff but well...i won't go into this here...in short i got put elsewhere...not happy sir.

However the venue to be fair was fine, popular brand of bar, (or cafe) no problems the whole night. It was a Friday night, so was busy as per usual. Ladies were out in packs, looking good. Scrumptious. Loads of friendly faces. I'd worked here a few times in the past. Three loud polish or Lithuanian guys were bowling about on the main stage area a bit too hard. Waving arms about like an exhausted heavyweight boxer in round 12. Add to the fact i was a little bit pissed off anyway. I just gave em a polite warning to keep it cool, they bumped by accident a girl. Who later came up to me and thanked me for keeping her safe at the end of the night. A tall blonde with a small round angelic face, extremely pretty. I didn't actually know what she was going on about at first, a job is a job is a job, no what i mean? But i got a nice peck on the cheek out of it. You can't grumble at that sir.

Stood outside in the smokers section for a bit. My back was to the street for a while looking inside at proceedings. After being chatted up by a lovely blonde from Leeds who bizarrely took her picture with me, like the Victorian freak. She also took my name for Facebook, alas, I'm still waiting on the add. Very gorgeous.

A guy I'd worked with before at my regular (or so i thought) venue was outside the smokers section doing Taxi Marshalling. Oh, how the oh so horrible memories come rushing back. I'd done taxi marshall at the very spot he was doing it. Never again. It's an open invite to abuse, mocking and it's also quite dangerous. Anyway next thing i hear...

"Officer officer quick!"

My head snaps around to see two Taxi Marshall boys struggling with a hefty guy in his fifties. Apparently he'd head butted one of em. They were trying to restrain him from getting away. The police arrived, sarcastic as usual. And had, what i could have swore, were smirks on their bacon like faces. The area is white, the Marshall who got nutted was Asian, you can kind of guess the rest. If it wasn't for the CCTV they would have taken away the marshall. no doubt about it, you could see it all over their oinking little porky pig faces. But the old boy got nicked in the end though. You can't argue with CC TV. And that was pretty much it for that Friday night.

Saturday (23rd Feb) i was at my venue again no trouble the whole night, all was good, well, despite me hitting on a female member of our door staff who'd just started working with us, and being rejected...there was no problems

However last night, Sunday (24th Feb)...

I started my shift early, arrived about fifteen minutes before, did the usual adjust myself in the toilets mirror spray on some pretty juice. Assa be done sir. It's almost like a mental preparation for the night i do at this venue. Similar to a young rocky preparing for the big slug out. I am mistaken for Sylvester stallone often. Young Sylvester stallone.

I go behind the bar area to get the paper work, and straight away the manager warns me of the football lot who were in. there was a "bite" in the air, you pick it up on the doors I've found. One of the sense organs in the ear that evolves as you do more and more door work. You just feel the tension, the raised voices the way the voices are raised, and you feel it can possibly erupt. It did.

My colleague Sam is a little late, and I'm here on my own, in a bar, with about twenty rowdy supporters, all getting louder and louder. I walk over right through the middle, i always walk through the middle of them, it sounds like a RAMBO FILM but I'm convinced if you show one tiny flicker of weakness with a mob like this, theres always a few who would take advantage and steam in. And to be quite frank about it, fuck actual that....sir.

I asked them to keep it down a bit because of families still in venue. The volume dipped for a few seconds then right back up again.

"Toon army, Toon army" or whatever gay football shit they shout.

It got louder and louder, i walk over again, right through them, and they quietened down a little. Bare in mind I'm still on my own. Eventually, a sight for sore eyes my partner Sam walks in. I give him the heads up. The excited faces in the mob were getting more frenzied, football scarfs around them. The beer was being washed back like the last pints on earth. And it just got too much. Me and Sam eventually decided enough was enough. The next one to shout it got thrown out...one next to me had go, and out he want, i took his beer off him, and pulled him out, this of course gave rise to a chorus of cheers. And then the game began.

One by one we threw them out, none of them wanted to be any more trouble than that. And to be fair, they could have been. This went on for ages. I by this point, i forgot to add, was livid. I was just really annoyed at the stupidly. In fairness they were having a laugh, but it was taking the piss, and of course at the time i didn't know, any of them could have kicked it all off. And also, my Ex was sitting right next to them all watching this all happen. So i had the burn of her eyeballs staring at me as well. First time she's seen me work for my money...

Pricks sliding along the floor...out.

One long haired clever dick next to him...out.

He said "We should all shout it at the same time, like one two"

Gone. I wasn't having that. He thought he said it quiet enough for me to not notice, fraid not. I gave him a nice shove out the door. Of course they were all gathered in the smoking section, but no real trouble just loud laryness. Pathetic really.

One guy I'd seen in there before and spoke to previously, stocky skinhead i was told couldn't be let back in despite me telling him he could be. The manager later refused. I felt like a bit of a a-hole because i had said he could come back in because he wasn't part of the dick head massive. But orders is orders, after the standard tiresome default complaining he went.

However another table gave us a few more problems. I was standing by the smokers doors, after most of it had calmed down and the manager asked for a table of three fells one white guy and two Asian looking gents to be removed. We don't ask questions, we do it. It's our job. So i walked over, and done what I've done many times now.

"Sorry fellas, it's time to leave now"

"Why? what have we done?" Said the chubby one.

Fuck that. I don't have time to explain, i was riled anyway because of the shit before, they can have an explanation outside.

"Well I'm not going no where" Was the response from the oldest of the three, in his early forties.

That kind of shit, instantly translates to my ears as..."yes you are mate" I took him, and for a short guy he put up a little struggle, especially compared to the football dicks. But i got a lot of weight behind me, i positioned myself sumo style behind him and he was out. I remember some blah blah at the smokers section. "I want my money back" "explain what we did" "you liar" etc etc I wasn't even the slightest bit interested. Their words went over my head like fluffy clouds on a fresh blue day...wasn't listening mate, too tired.

It had been a long night, and we were only just over an hour or so into it. To be fair, they were not half as bad at the lot we threw out earlier, but these people have to understand a job is a job, we're just doing it. As far as doormen go, we're really good. I know tons who wouldn't have thought twice about nutting the lot of them. Me I'm not hard enough for all that, plus i want an easy night. Don't get payed enough to scrap unless i have to. Three nights a week Krav...yes sir.

A gathering of the dregs of the football crowd at the end of the night, still trying it a bit. of course alcohol had been flowing all night now. But that was pretty much it. We earned our money that night, and it all ended with not one fight. That's gotta be good.

So here i am, preparing for tonight, Friday night (29th feb) I'm ready. Food has been consumed, I've had my standard sleep. It's my favourite venue...let's do it. Interestingly enough, I'm off to work at the biggest club in my town afterwards, i haven't been there since new year. Something will pop off there, guaranteed. Hopefully not in my direction...

..sir.

Entry Number Twenty Four: "I'm Going To Afghan To Kill Pa*is"

Last night was dickhead night. I don't know why but the place was crammed full of idiots who were really frustrating me. I was definitely in a grump last night. I had my miserable face on. It was oh so enjoyable to, in a word, take out that frustration on a few. Not in a physical sense of course noo nooo nooo, just you know, being a bit more strict than normal, all because i was in a mood. Why not, i am a king amongst paupers.

As soon as i got there, on the table in front of me was a six foot five skinhead squaddie. The manager had warned me about him when i first arrived. Big bloke, lary. I had a chat with him to stay cool, and keep it down. He seemed like an ok guy, in good spirits. Later on though, as the drink flowed into his blood stream, the inevitable happened. He got loud, got offensive. I didn't fancy tackling this dude, he was big, but you can't take the piss enough was enough.

"I'm going to Afghan in a few weeks to kill Pa*is"

Nice one mate. If i could hear him telling an elderly couple this, then others around him could as well. I told him any more talk like that and he's out. He was suprisingly gracious about it for a thug. So that was the end of that, for now. These are the men protecting our nation. Makes you proud huh. This was his leaving send off, all the family were there. It was a tough one to handle...

I balanced it all up and went from there. For one his brother had come over earlier and apologized for him in advance. I did give him a little leeway but enough was enough. I despise racism, as well, so i was doing good to keep my cool.

I stood beside this table for the next hour or so but he'd had too much. Too loud, and people were feeling uncomfortable. I asked one of my colleagues in the distance to keep one eye on me, and i moved in. Luckily he walked to the smokers section with his family who were quite helpfully tricking him into leaving.

Outside his thick dumb head clicked on to wizardy we'd all played on him and he tried to get back in. I blocked the entrance and inevitably, almost as if he had to by default...he got lary, his family pulling him back. By now a wall of three doormen were blocking the side entrance he left. After some weak protesting, flailing fists, and other bullshit i was too tired to really remember, he went.

More fools, woman flirting, which is always nice. Few who had too much who weren't coming back in. It was by far the busiest Saturday I'd done there. People telling me to cheer up, forgetting that I'm not actually knocking back the Vodkas and cokes alongside them, and that I'm working. No, last night i didn't want it. Too much going on in my head. It did effect me a little bit, i even wanted to throw people out for no reason at one point, and that's not like me.

It is nice to know the regulars now though, groups of girls who i see as a regular, it's by far the venue i want to be perched at. There's talk of changes happening, and I've already had a few problems in that area, with being put elsewhere etc etc . Which I've refused. But more on that soon.

Anyway I'm guessing as normal tonight (Sunday) will be dead, if I'm even working...I've got a full time day job coming soon, which i plan to do alongside the nights, so the free time at the moment I'm enjoying every second of. Seeya.

Entry Number Twenty Three: The Last Days?

Very quiet four days, so not much to jot down really. No excitement, had to take a guy out who the bar staff said shouldn't be served no more, his mate got him a drink and then the bar staff asked us (me) to "escort him out" The guy was fine, no trouble, just had a few, i sympathised with his protests but life is life...He was moaning about there being a pedofile in the corner, convicted apparently, insisting i "throw him out as well then" lobbing an old boy out for being a pedo...well, you gotta, you really really gotta have your facts right for that one...i left it.

So what else over the four days, lot's of communication with the ladies. Being a regular at a spot definately definately is a plus, if you are a single gent such as myself. You build up "freindship links" see regulars. It's good, it's nice.

However, yesterday (Sunday) was dead. Even the DJ wasn't called in. Rumour has it they will slice the number of Doorstaff down, i'm hoping that won't be me, but it very well might be...if i'm all over the south east again Ayelsbury, Watford, i will be finding another company to work for...however...if i stay local i can cope. Would have just been nice to have a nice little regular spot.

So yeah, no events whatsoever, which is a good thing. Three days off now...which means lots of sleep, and lots of rudey moves. Back on thurs...i hope.

Entry Number Twenty Two: That's not very nice.

Old boy on the dancefloor tipping over and swaying, it was gonna end ugly no matter how this particular hand of cards was played. You know what i mean? Short fella about fifty, gripping a Budweiser for dear life, barely keep his eyes open. At the end of it all, having him there rocking about looking sick, makes me look like i'm not doing my job...said it before...will say it again.... "not on my turf"

I went over to him and to be fair, i gave dude a chance. "Are you ok bud?" I asked him. He nodded in a similar fashion to how one would nod, if they were fucking underwater. He was not in a good way. I backed off, let him stand up, and give him one final observation. He leant to the wall and almost tipped over. That's it, no more.

I walked over to him, took him by his waist and said i wanted a chat with him. He had the kind of suprised screwface look plastered on his mug as if to say "w.t.f.a.y.d." I couldn't care less how the muscles in his face were contorting. He put up a weak struggle but i kept walking, he had to go with the flow, with nature. Inevitable. First of all i was going to offer him to sit down out the back for a bit and sober up for thirty minutes. He was having none of it outside, he was trying to be aggressive but the budwieser had hold.

"Sho you gna give me that bottle back" He slurred.

He musta been-a crazy. Course not. Last thing you do is give a steaming drunk who you've just ejected from the dancefloor, who's put a struggle up, their bottle back. He offered me a hand to shake, and gestured he was going to leave via the outside area. I shook his hand. Then when he was in safe distance, he shouted...

"You spastic" Charming. Try to 'elp eh?

The rest of the night i must have had the Lynx effect, one of the gorgeous barmaids who was on a night off was giving me some friendly attention. Three ladies to my face on three different occasions commented on how "fit" this said Doorman was. And women passing me for the smokers section all night were on the flirt with me. I mean more than normal. It happens as standard being a doorman right? But i mean, they were really really on it. Was going to get the barmaids actual digits but she left before i had time to whack her with the javeline of love.

Good saturday night, i get the feeling i wont be reporting on tommorow night sunday, if not, then im done for the week till thurs! Wooo hooo. Thank you for your time, and attentions.

Entry Number Twenty One: The EX Factor

Nothing to report for last Sunday and the Thursday just gone sir. Both days were quiet. Lots of people, just quiet, no 'assle. New guy started thursday gone. He seems cool to be fair. He's got a good knowledge of the area, and has worked a local bar round the corner so he knows the trouble makers and "ruffians" of the area. He will probably get the Head Doorman gig i eventually wanted. Such is life. All i need to do is SNIPE HIM...one time "POP" and that bitch is MINE!

Yesterday though, (friday) was busy, lots of people. I'd say probably our busiest night of the week. Loads of excited pubbers. This is the biggest new venue in this town, and it's only two weeks old, so everyones excited. Excitment is acceptable. As long as it's under MY TERMS. Everyone having a laugh...and a fair few lovely ladies if i may add.

Besides the DJ complaining that his mixer was broken, there was nothing else to report. I noticed someone i knew from about six months ago who was very important in my life at the time bowling around the bar (an ex) but she didn't cause no beef. As i was expecting. I have the feeling i'll have more to write on that little chestnut later. Of course i don't want to go into detail but she was very fiery and we ended very badly, and this is her town so, we'll see...

Speaking to a short, but fairly stocky lad outside in the smoking section about being a doorman. He wanted to know something or other about the shining badge of justice around my arm. He seemed cool. twenty minutes later, i see him squaring up to a tall guy in his mid thirties, spiky hair. I move over to see what the fuss is abo..SMACK... tall guy throws a rather weak looking jab at one of the kids in the short boys crew. I grabbed lanky by his waist and it was over for him, bowled him through the doors and it was done. He was protesting about someone hit someone first or something or other. Probably the case but i can only go with what i see, so you gone motherfucker. Outside was crazy cold, so his night ended early, he was wound up but didn't want no problems with us, just shortie.

I went over to the group of young boys and asked what happened, they said he hit them first. Which to be fair is all i saw. No one else said otherwise so i gave the kids a warning and that was that. We had a group strong of 20 earlier, 20 lads on a night out. Area Manager my boss knew them, and although they got a bit lary, he sorted it cool....simmered the situation that coulda happened there. And that's pretty much it.

So yeah, Sat night tonight...i wanna know what the story with my ex is to be honest. Where's that gonna go. Her mates have been in there since it opened saying comments under their breath, and i swear i heard one of her male mates tonight call me "nigger" but, but the problems that would have caused if i'd have made a mistake...so i let it slip, let it go. There's more to this one brewing though.