Entry Number Twenty Five: The Beautiful Game

Due to politics, er or whatever, i was taken out of my usual spot, and thrown 50 minutes away to a club elsewhere. Real handy that. The politics is from within. A dispute with one of my superiors, not anyone or staff from where i regularly worked. In short, i wanted the new venue to be my spot, to be my turf. It's just down the road not even ten minutes, i know the people the staff but well...i won't go into this here...in short i got put elsewhere...not happy sir.

However the venue to be fair was fine, popular brand of bar, (or cafe) no problems the whole night. It was a Friday night, so was busy as per usual. Ladies were out in packs, looking good. Scrumptious. Loads of friendly faces. I'd worked here a few times in the past. Three loud polish or Lithuanian guys were bowling about on the main stage area a bit too hard. Waving arms about like an exhausted heavyweight boxer in round 12. Add to the fact i was a little bit pissed off anyway. I just gave em a polite warning to keep it cool, they bumped by accident a girl. Who later came up to me and thanked me for keeping her safe at the end of the night. A tall blonde with a small round angelic face, extremely pretty. I didn't actually know what she was going on about at first, a job is a job is a job, no what i mean? But i got a nice peck on the cheek out of it. You can't grumble at that sir.

Stood outside in the smokers section for a bit. My back was to the street for a while looking inside at proceedings. After being chatted up by a lovely blonde from Leeds who bizarrely took her picture with me, like the Victorian freak. She also took my name for Facebook, alas, I'm still waiting on the add. Very gorgeous.

A guy I'd worked with before at my regular (or so i thought) venue was outside the smokers section doing Taxi Marshalling. Oh, how the oh so horrible memories come rushing back. I'd done taxi marshall at the very spot he was doing it. Never again. It's an open invite to abuse, mocking and it's also quite dangerous. Anyway next thing i hear...

"Officer officer quick!"

My head snaps around to see two Taxi Marshall boys struggling with a hefty guy in his fifties. Apparently he'd head butted one of em. They were trying to restrain him from getting away. The police arrived, sarcastic as usual. And had, what i could have swore, were smirks on their bacon like faces. The area is white, the Marshall who got nutted was Asian, you can kind of guess the rest. If it wasn't for the CCTV they would have taken away the marshall. no doubt about it, you could see it all over their oinking little porky pig faces. But the old boy got nicked in the end though. You can't argue with CC TV. And that was pretty much it for that Friday night.

Saturday (23rd Feb) i was at my venue again no trouble the whole night, all was good, well, despite me hitting on a female member of our door staff who'd just started working with us, and being rejected...there was no problems

However last night, Sunday (24th Feb)...

I started my shift early, arrived about fifteen minutes before, did the usual adjust myself in the toilets mirror spray on some pretty juice. Assa be done sir. It's almost like a mental preparation for the night i do at this venue. Similar to a young rocky preparing for the big slug out. I am mistaken for Sylvester stallone often. Young Sylvester stallone.

I go behind the bar area to get the paper work, and straight away the manager warns me of the football lot who were in. there was a "bite" in the air, you pick it up on the doors I've found. One of the sense organs in the ear that evolves as you do more and more door work. You just feel the tension, the raised voices the way the voices are raised, and you feel it can possibly erupt. It did.

My colleague Sam is a little late, and I'm here on my own, in a bar, with about twenty rowdy supporters, all getting louder and louder. I walk over right through the middle, i always walk through the middle of them, it sounds like a RAMBO FILM but I'm convinced if you show one tiny flicker of weakness with a mob like this, theres always a few who would take advantage and steam in. And to be quite frank about it, fuck actual that....sir.

I asked them to keep it down a bit because of families still in venue. The volume dipped for a few seconds then right back up again.

"Toon army, Toon army" or whatever gay football shit they shout.

It got louder and louder, i walk over again, right through them, and they quietened down a little. Bare in mind I'm still on my own. Eventually, a sight for sore eyes my partner Sam walks in. I give him the heads up. The excited faces in the mob were getting more frenzied, football scarfs around them. The beer was being washed back like the last pints on earth. And it just got too much. Me and Sam eventually decided enough was enough. The next one to shout it got thrown out...one next to me had go, and out he want, i took his beer off him, and pulled him out, this of course gave rise to a chorus of cheers. And then the game began.

One by one we threw them out, none of them wanted to be any more trouble than that. And to be fair, they could have been. This went on for ages. I by this point, i forgot to add, was livid. I was just really annoyed at the stupidly. In fairness they were having a laugh, but it was taking the piss, and of course at the time i didn't know, any of them could have kicked it all off. And also, my Ex was sitting right next to them all watching this all happen. So i had the burn of her eyeballs staring at me as well. First time she's seen me work for my money...

Pricks sliding along the floor...out.

One long haired clever dick next to him...out.

He said "We should all shout it at the same time, like one two"

Gone. I wasn't having that. He thought he said it quiet enough for me to not notice, fraid not. I gave him a nice shove out the door. Of course they were all gathered in the smoking section, but no real trouble just loud laryness. Pathetic really.

One guy I'd seen in there before and spoke to previously, stocky skinhead i was told couldn't be let back in despite me telling him he could be. The manager later refused. I felt like a bit of a a-hole because i had said he could come back in because he wasn't part of the dick head massive. But orders is orders, after the standard tiresome default complaining he went.

However another table gave us a few more problems. I was standing by the smokers doors, after most of it had calmed down and the manager asked for a table of three fells one white guy and two Asian looking gents to be removed. We don't ask questions, we do it. It's our job. So i walked over, and done what I've done many times now.

"Sorry fellas, it's time to leave now"

"Why? what have we done?" Said the chubby one.

Fuck that. I don't have time to explain, i was riled anyway because of the shit before, they can have an explanation outside.

"Well I'm not going no where" Was the response from the oldest of the three, in his early forties.

That kind of shit, instantly translates to my ears as..."yes you are mate" I took him, and for a short guy he put up a little struggle, especially compared to the football dicks. But i got a lot of weight behind me, i positioned myself sumo style behind him and he was out. I remember some blah blah at the smokers section. "I want my money back" "explain what we did" "you liar" etc etc I wasn't even the slightest bit interested. Their words went over my head like fluffy clouds on a fresh blue day...wasn't listening mate, too tired.

It had been a long night, and we were only just over an hour or so into it. To be fair, they were not half as bad at the lot we threw out earlier, but these people have to understand a job is a job, we're just doing it. As far as doormen go, we're really good. I know tons who wouldn't have thought twice about nutting the lot of them. Me I'm not hard enough for all that, plus i want an easy night. Don't get payed enough to scrap unless i have to. Three nights a week Krav...yes sir.

A gathering of the dregs of the football crowd at the end of the night, still trying it a bit. of course alcohol had been flowing all night now. But that was pretty much it. We earned our money that night, and it all ended with not one fight. That's gotta be good.

So here i am, preparing for tonight, Friday night (29th feb) I'm ready. Food has been consumed, I've had my standard sleep. It's my favourite venue...let's do it. Interestingly enough, I'm off to work at the biggest club in my town afterwards, i haven't been there since new year. Something will pop off there, guaranteed. Hopefully not in my direction...

..sir.