And so this is it. A job offer i had today for a fairly good office position, i dumped like a steaming pile of cow dung, to become a doorman full time. Basically this is the dilly. The hours i work on the doors, and the hours i would work in the office would almost overlap! Basically I'd have two hours bloody sleep. Ridiculous Rodney. Ridicul-ASS. So no. I went personally today to the offices of the job i was offered, turned it down, made some bullshit excuse and walked away from the building a full time doorman. No more office work for me. Risky, but someone who can get me work is the brother of one of my longest friends, so i think i made the right choice. So this is it...i have work for tomorrow, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday i'm now officially a full time doorman.
Tonight i was back in the same club i was in Saturday, except the tables and chairs were out, it was a quiet night and easy money son. Dean wasn't there, no one was beside the bar staff and a few people, so i was kind of wandering around like a Lemon at first, till one of the bar staff, the head i think came out and gave me a quick heads up. Stern face lady in her late thirties.
I came to realise fast, Dean has his own way of working, and it's very loose. Either he assumed i was an experienced door person because i LOOK the part...or, i don't know. But i wasn't told who to report to, what to do, where to do it...but i'm used to order in my pervious jobs, Doorwork is a bit more...well, once again...LOOSE... only way i can describe it.
Ok I've found my first real target, a bar woman, wow, she is unsurprisingly foreign, as i said with regards to the Bar staff in my townpreviously. Slovakian, Lithuanian, Polish, Kosovan, i will put money on the fact she ticks one of those boxes.
She was gorgeous, short brown hair in a ponytail. Immaculate face, almost china doll like, very subtle make up. Wow, my eyeballs were physically pulled from my head and stuck to her... if i can get regular work at this Bar then I'm onto her. Lemme find out her STATUS. I smell the sweet tang of human meat, i'm going in.
After being introduced to Yenno, a 6'5 lanky dark skinned Jamaican guy who was real friendly, gave me the heads up. We basically got going.
Only two incidents, well three if you include me being kissed on the lips by a gorgeous beauty who said i was too cute to be a doorman - as an incident. I was just standing there and she asked me to escort her to the ladies, i did so. Then she explained how she was from out of town, looking where to go next, i suggested the spots i'd be in if i wasn't working and she went to check them out.
She was stunning, like a model. Black girl, nice and short, but the lift underneath the scarf and big coat she was wearing suggested breastage. She planted a kiss on my lips and called me Handsome. "Too cute to be a doorman" well my little pixie, i would agree.
Theres a no hats policy, this applies to all. Not just black fellas in hoodies or baseball caps bowling around. In my eyes, no hats means no hats. One or two people genuinely forgot. A polite motion to their head and it's removed. But this one lady who reminded me of a grand 1940's actress. You know the ones, they have the long black gloves and those long tubes with a cigarette on the end, those kind of glamorous ladies. Flossy flossy. Well, she was sitting with a short red faced bald guy and i had to do it...in fact Yenno my partner for the night thought it would be amusing to see how i handled this number...over i bop...
"Hi sorry to interrupt, would you be able to remove your hat please madam" I ask with a smile. She places her hands on her big furry superstar hat "but my hair is greasy" she says "I understand, but rules are rules" She looks up at me laughs, and continues drinking. Her eyes slowly rise to meet mine again... I'm still standing there looking.
Her, i assume, husband stands up, all 5'2 of him. Face beetroot from the no doubt fine drinks they were consuming. "You must be having a laugh, this is Britain mate" he blurts.
Now, um, I'm not sure what country we both happen to currently be living in has anything to do with taking your hat off in a bar, but he wanted to inform me all the same. After a few more requests, and my looming presence over their table like a big rooted black statue, they got up and left. "Tell your manager he's a fucking cunt" the man said, as his wife peacocked out the doors. Mumbling words to the effect of "we wont be back again" or something...the words care less came to mind...
There's a famous tramp around our town, he always begs begs begs. Not the usual dejected head down sitting outside Debenhams with a cup asking for change begging. I'm talking full on walking up to people and asking for two, three quid. Right in their face. Now, this dudes been doing this for as long as I've lived in the town. It's shameful, embarrassing, and i wasn't up for it happening on my shift. I'm trying to make a good impression. Me walking over to the table he was begging at was enough.
Baseball cap, long dreadlocks, the same clothes, and a guitar on his back, he saw me and walked off the other way without question. I told the table to tell me if he come back and I'll throw him out so fast he'll travel actually fucking forward through time...of course, i didn't say that exactly, but my words assured them. He also stank very strongly of urine.
Near the end of the night a chubby blonde girl ran over to us "theres an argument over there" we were so bored out of our brains, it's a monday night, we switched off a bit, there couldn't have been more than fifteen people in by the end of the night. We walked over and a tall old dude who was apparently a doorman was mouthing off toward two younger lads. One was leaving anyway, i walked him out slowly while the older men at the bar continued the verbal dagger throwing. Once outside Yenno spoke first...
"First things first, there's CCTV right there" He pointed toward the beedy camera, peeping at the six of us. The two lads actioned toward the older guys, but i opened both arms and the impression of a barrier was enough for them. Beer and bad breath spoke to me close up, too close...i backed him off and reasoned with him, but not within earshot of the other two older men. Me and Yenno were ready for a kick off.
The blah blah continued as they got into the taxi. One of the boys, the baseball capped one was a little too close to me for my liking, i have a zone, a head butt zone i call it, and he was in it. But no spice to this one, the lads got into a waiting taxi...apparently one of the older guys is gonna get his throat cut...the taxi drove off....
A very quiet night, i already decided i like the hustle and bustle of that Saturday night. But the cash I've made for just standing about to be honest is silly. Good good money. Tommorow I'm back in the same place again. Plonked. Wednesday should be interesting. I'm out of town, so i have to drive there, and I'm shit with maps and shit. I will have to see if i can borrow one of these new fangled Tom Tom Gizmos the boffins have constructed for the Automobile. Then I'm somewhere else outside of town Friday and sat...
Within two weeks of door work Erwin got beaten to the floor by four guys ashtrayed and a bop in the nose. Now i don't want this, but, i want to know how i react when i get down and dirty, time will tell.
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